Don’t Call Me Wedge Head and Don’t Call Me Fatty

Some days he was Fatty and some days he was just a thick solid human being. Depending on Dukes hair day, some days he was Wedge Head and some days he was just five head. We met at Ricky Wrenches house in Redondo 1979. Dukey slept on the floor in Ricky‘s bedroom for about a month before he got his own place with French Eh?. Dukey knew just like himself there was something seriously wrong with Fatty when he came home in his Corvette with the T tops off and Dicky sitting shotgun with the whole inside completely soaked from going through the car wash. Fatty was the sales manager for SAI in Manhattan Beach which was the largest distributor/broker of electronic components in the world at the time. Dukey turned out being his number one sales person after picking him up off the used car parking lot. Dukey is not sure if you can call it trouble or just plain madness( 20 year old’s should not be making this amount of money) but the next few years were a combination of both. Here are some excerpts. 

   One evening we were all sitting at the kitchen table doing shots of Johnny Walker red when Fatty noticed some lasagna tucked deep in the back of the refrigerator. He asked who’s it was and somebody said it was Dickey’s so he microwaved it, ate half of it, took off his dirty sock and put it in place of the half that he ate with sauce all over it. Dicky came home a little while later grabbed his what he thought hidden lasagna put it in the microwave and begin eating it only to find out halfway through there was a Fatty’s disgusting sock in it.

One time before they left for the evening from work , wedge head called him Fatty as they were having I’m sure a normal discussion and the next morning when he picked up the phone to make a call he felt something wet it his left ear. He looked at the phone and there was orange mustard all in the earpiece and all over his ear and shirt. When he looked up there was Fatty on the other side of the room twisting his hair saying Fatty Huh?

When Dukey and 12 of his friends went to Phoenix for a Celtic game all hell broke loose. After an insane horse rental ride they made their way to the famous game in which if you look closely you can see Buck hug Larry bird after he hits a game-winning three-pointer from deep. Buck was found wandering the parking lot a good hour after the game. The quiet gang made their way to one of Dukes clients friends Maaaaaala’s brand new house. Upon entering JoeyG slid across a small table in the living room knocking everything over including collapsing the table. The boys opened up the back door and threw the table over the fence in the backyard. Someone broke the ironing board trying to pretend it was a surfboard. There was a strange smell and smoke coming from the kitchen. It turned out that Fatty took one of Buck’s sneakers and put it in the oven on 350. When Duke opened the oven all this smoke came out and rubber was melted all over the inside. All damage to Donna’s place was taken care of in a big way. We had plenty of Johnny Ca$h, Robert Dinero, Pillsbury Dough Boy, Eddie Money. The rest of the evening draws a blank but the next morning when there were about 13 hangovers at the bar Dicky had to use the men’s room. Fatty bought 13 bloody Mary’s and proceeded to put half a bottle of Tabasco in Dicky’s drink. After he came back from the men’s room Fatty which he did  many times told everyone to guzzle. Dickie guzzled and proceeded to puke. A little while later Fatty noticed that Jimmy Kool-Aid face was not at the bar and asked where he was. Someone said he was passed out in the van we had rented and destroyed. Fatty went out and puked on Kool-Aid faces chest while he was passed out making him think it was his own puke when he woke up. There are other stories that are way worse and if you have a sick sense of humor you would think they would be way funnier but probably not a good  idea to put them on this website