The Night Natalie Died
Dukey and the Dopes Visit Catalina
November 29, 1981. Many in celebrity circles remember that date — the night Natalie Wood was found dead.
It was that same evening the Idiot Quartet gathered on Catalina. Joey G (the Italian New Yorker) and the Duke had arrived and awaited the arrival of Bulb (the crazy tough Native American) and the Always-in-Motion Lenny (because he never shut up), otherwise known as the LB Express. Joey G and the Duke had taken the boat. After a few hours Lenny and Bulb flew in by rented helicopter. The G and the Duke rented a Catalina tourist golf cart and picked up some beverages to fuel a good time. Probably more fuel than needed.
On the way back to town Lenny guzzled a few one-and-a-half-ounce bottles of Vodka and flipped them off unaware Big Brother might be watching. They drove around for a while and then headed to town only to be greeted by Big Brother Officer Winslow who wanted to find out who tossed the small bottles.
“ID’s please!” Bulb had a warrant from unpaid parking tickets in L.A. Bye, bye, Bulb!! Off to jail for the remainder of the weekend because it’s Saturday, and those processing warrants don’t work on weekends. Winslow was so excited to have a prisoner, he forgot to ask who tossed the bottles.
Winslow also wanted to take Lenny because of his drunken state, but G and Dukey assured Winslow they would take good care of him. Dukey drove the cart around to the Catalina Casino. People were gathered because Robert Wagner, Natalie Wood and Christopher Walken were in a yacht in the harbor. Most remembered Natalie’s roles in West Side Story and Rebel Without a Cause. The gruesome threesome — yeah, just three now — along with the crowd, were shouting to the Hollywood stars. They were just being friendly as quiet northeasterners should be. They then dropped off the cart and moved to Doug’s Harbor Reef, a bar near town.
Inside is Wally Cleaver (Tony Dow) sitting at the bar, with his family at the table. The Duke greets him, “Gee Whiz, Beav!” The conversation progressed casually with comments and questions prefaced with more “Gee Whiz, Beavs.”
The trio wore out the Beav greeting letting it fly out of their mouths many more times before “Wally” said he heard the reference often enough for one day.
They ate a late lunch and continued to pound fuel with Wally. Lenny disappeared. Officer Winslow was not going to be happy if he encountered the now duo without the LB Express in their presence. “Oh well!” Maybe they won’t see him again. A couple hours later G and Dukey go on foot to the Casino. There is a square dance going on, and the guard at the door wanted a cover charge that the pair didn’t want to pay. “Hey, we’re just spectators passing by for a peek inside.”
Spectators were not allowed in without paying, so G and the Duke just walked in. The guard, finding it humorous, follows them up the ramp. As they started running, The LB Express came running down the ramp toward them completely hammered! The Duke grabbed him, spun him around knocking his eye glasses askew. With one lens on his forehead and the other on his nose, the Express stumbles up the ramp arm in arm like he was dancing with Dukey to the dance floor.
“Swing your partner round and round.”
“Couples hinge … Couples trade.”
“Dixie grand and promenade.”
The trio didn’t hinge or promenade. They ran on through like they didn’t know a square dance from a waltz, and in their current state they probably wouldn’t be able to execute them anyway. The guard pursued, laughing all the way.
Dukey surrendered. “OK, we’ll go, we just wanted one dance.”
Just one dosado and down the ramp. Escorted out!
The trio came out the back of the casino on the ocean side when two cop cars pulled up. Was there an informer? Had someboy squealed on them? Anyway, the boys in blue had their number. “You guys are all going to jail now!” It was their nemesis — Officer Winslow!
The Duke provided a quick reply: “But Officer Winslow, you told us to keep an eye on Lenny! We lost him and now we found him.”
“You do have a point there,” frustratingly he replied. “However, …”
Now it’s, “Bye, bye, Lenny.” Off to jail to join his buddy Bulb! Winslow gave the now remaining duo a break but promised that if he saw them again, they would go too. With meek Eddie Haskell looks, the remaining pair offered a deceitful, “Yes, officer,” and promised to go back to their motel room although they might consider a nightcap on the way. The Haskell-like duo headed back to the bar, of course, to find Wally. “Gee whiz, Beav, he’s gone.” Nevertheless, they stayed until about twelvish and started on their way back to the motel.
At that hour nobody was around, so G and the Duke stand off to the side to drain some of the consumed liquids in the shrubs. As they are gaining relief, what are the chances of Winslow pulling around the corner about 75 feet away? Out of nowhere, the chase is on!
Back then Usain Bolt himself could not catch the Idiot flying down the street. G goes up an ally. Dukey is now the solo remainder of the quartet. Winslow follows him, but no way is he going to catch Usain Bolt this night. After running through backyards and over fences Uncle Dukey makes his way to the rear of a side-street bar crouching behind the customers. Two minutes later the door flies open. It’s an exhausted, sweaty G! Dukey waved him over to the back, and they cowered for another drink behind the crowded bar. Ten minutes later Winslow comes in but does not spot the craven cowards crouching and leaves. Time for bed!!!
It’s now Sunday morning and Lenny, who was just released from jail, tells the duo the tragic news that happened during the night. He and Bulb spent the night in a holding cell adjacent to the policemen working the night shift. They overheard the cops discussing Natalie Wood’s plunge off the yacht. The Express and Bulb were probably some of the first civilian people to know about Natalie Wood’s death. On Monday Bulb is flown to the L.A. County Jail to take care of his biz. The restored threesome took the boat back without another dance step or a Winslow meeting!