A Company of Characters

From the Soviet Union

The scene:

Dukey in the Soviet Union of 1990 ... before today’s Russia, which was Russia before 1917. ... You knew that, didn’t you? It was a Company of Characters that Herb Mitchell [CLICK] created in Hollywood. Dukey was an original member when it was formed circa 1987. There were some notable names that came out of Herb’s company such as Christina Applegate, and Herb who was the Dean Witter man among many movie and television gigs. The big idea was to do an actors exchange with The Soviet Union. It worked! They came to the United States first. The American Acting Company members met them at the airport. The Soviet group stayed at various houses and apartments of the Americans. Dukey was the host for Artur Vahka and Irena Svetkova. They were Soviet actors who were well known in film, television and stage. Artur was a gangly 6-foot-2, maybe 6-foot-3, and was as funny as anybody Dukey had ever met. [CLICK] Naturally Artur and Dukey hit it off. Irena who also had a great sense of humor eventually married him. They worked in the famous Comedy Theater [CLICK] in what is now St. Petersburg but at the time it was Leningrad. Dukey took them from the L.A. Airport to the grocery store by his townhouse [CLICK] on the beach before they ended up at the Bachelor Palace. As they entered the store he noticed Artur trying to comfort Irena, who had tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” Dukey asked his new goofy friend. “Too much!” he answered. “It’s way too much!” The tears came from seeing our blessed abundance. She could not believe how much food and other products were available. The Soviet Union, as Americans would soon find out, was a mass of long lines to get even the most modest product if it was available.

Dukey had some great times with Artur and Irena. The language barrier was insane because both were off the wall, so observing their communication was like watching a comedy routine! [CLICK] They performed at the Norris Performing Arts Center in Palos Verdes, California, [CLICK] to a packed house. Afterward they went to a huge party in Malibu off the cliffs along with some other bashes in various places. They had news coverage, which made both acting companies even more insane. What a show! [CLICK] It wasn’t much later before the Americans were on a flight to Leningrad with Sheldon and Margery Harnick, the writer who wrote musical lyrics, to perform Fiddler on the Roof. [CLICK] Herb was, of course, Tevia. Dukey was the constable, a Russian cop who tries to kick them out of town. Dukey’s sister, Carole, played Fruma Sarah, and Herb’s wife were also in the production along with about twenty-five others. [CLICK] They saw the sun once as they were landing and then again after they took off and rose above the clouds. It was November and the conditions were not Southern Californish. Seeing Artur and Irena and actually staying with them a few nights was quite an experience. Herb’s son Gerard and Dukey stayed there one night and had to go shot for shot withArtur with a homemade vodka that he concocted. Dukey does not take pride in the fact that his blood or system was able to handle the hard stuff. Of course, back then he didn’t realize the dangers of excessive drinking. Gerard’s capabilities were not bad either but remember they were going up against a big comedian. Artur didn’t go down easy but he did make a comment the next morning after dinner and running amuck around his neighborhood that the American drinkers was better than the Russian drinker! [CLICK]

The Americans performed at The Comedy Theater, which was regarded as one of the best theaters in Leningrad. Warming up backstage was insanity. They sang scales and pushed each other around. They donned stupid costumes from the wardrobe room, and engaged in other riotous behavior. [CLICK] The performances were done under controlbut after them they resorted to insanity on steroids!

One night after everybody else was in their hotel beds Gerard and Dukey made a break for it through the frozen tundra which now had about ten inches of snow on it. They were not sure where they were going, but the inebriated pair hung onto each other and staggered along. After a few hours of being obnoxious they got on a trolley headed for downtown. Most of the people, if not all, were on their way to work. They passed a couple stops before deciding to get out. Gerard could barely move so Dukey gave him a gentle push off the trolley and he went straight down face first in a pile of snow, ice and water. The people who were waiting to get on with their grim comrade faces watched Gerard hit the slushy deck splashing them and laughing as Dukey jumped out to follow. Good-bye comrades! They could see the hotel which was very large about a mile or two off in the distance. Instead of walking the streets to get home they decided to cross the fields of snow, ice and water. It seemed to be the longest walk of their lives. It kept snowing and Gerard’s face hat and clothes began to freeze over. An hour or so later they got back to their beds and crashed. Tomorrow was another performance day!!

A couple weeks later and a few more performances with their pickled livers remaining hostage to alcohol they traveled 1,400 miles to Tbilisi, Georgia, via Aeroflat, which at the time was the world’s deadliest airline. As the plane bounced and swayed to takeoff like an Wilbur and Orville special, Herb and Dukey saw the flight attendant’s probably routine grimace with panic. What a difference between Petersburg and Tbilisi! These people had food, fair weather, and a phenomenal brandy making them radiate happiness and contentment.[CLICK/make or borrow pic] They were a lot like Italians. They were happy even when pumping the gas! They put on a great dinner for us the first night. Unlike up north where Spam was delicacy, they served all sorts of meats, cheese, fruits, veggies, wines and cognacs. After a sumptuous meal, some of the new inebriated friends smoothly moved through their natural traditional dances with kicks and flips off the walls. An American performer, Paul Heineken head, as Dukey called him, sought to imitate the unnatural routine. But he fell short on the wall flip and landed on his knees. Ouch! Ooh! Ouch! The first day was like a marathon. They rehearsed on the new stage and met some of the sponsors. Afterward they toured the area including Stalin’s hometown of Gori. As the bus approached the town, they saw a crumbling castle. It’s site dated back to BC. They were ordered not to go near the citadel, but they could go on to the town. While the others

left the bus to go shopping, Dukey and Herb proceeded like children who were told not to

touch a newly frosted cake. They kept a low profile with the order still ringing in their

ears — “Don’t go up to the castle.” They went up to the castle knowing two rather large

American idiots are not inconspicuous but imagining they were anyway. [CLICK]

Dukey had an eerie feeling as they walked around the castle. It was totally quiet but as they came closer, the wind changed whispering long-kept secrets. Who lived here?Who died here? What enemy had conquered or failed to conquer the fortress? After a full day they returned to Tbilisi. The locals told the Americans to come with them to a social event. A half dozen who joined them soon learned that the natives had stolen a public bus to take the visitors to a party. [CLICK] Blasting through the streets with booze flying everywhere they ended up at a house with about twenty other locals. They sat around a table with a man at the end who was obviously in charge. He took a Georgian imitation horn about the size of a six-ounce glass and poured an ounce or two of the smoothest vodka known to man in it. [CLICK] Dukey was told by the translator that the horn was a symbolic signal either for peace or for war. The Americans were intended to drink for peace. He then proceeded to pass it to the right around the table. Each one taking their turn and returning the horn to the leader. Dukey was the third of the twenty to get the horn. By the time he received it he was fully aware what table leader was up to. The leader calmly poured the vodka and passed it along to Dukey. He chugged it. This proceeded around the table. The master gave Dukey a look, and Dukey gave him one back. Dukey wasn’t going anywhere! After the horn passed around the table a few times and the food was being served, it came down to three or four still going shot for shot seeking to be the best of friends. They stared at each other as they drank, each one smirking like a little kid. Another few trips around the table and it was one on one. Before long they were hugging each other and babbling in their own languages. Dukey had no idea how he got home, but he knew he had a new buddy.Later Herb said that one of the Russians drove them. The whole thing was pretty much captured to make a slightly amusing video. WHEW! [CLICK]

The next morning the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed cast went to a four-hundred-year-old bath house. Dukey wanted no part of it. Pam, a relative of Herb, and Dukey decided to climb up the side of a huge hill where the Tbilisi flag waved over the city. What a climb! Walking across boards bridging crevasses in their ascent and literally climbing hand over foot in some places until they got within twenty feet the flag. One last push and the two were at the top of the hill overlooking all of Tbilisi. Dukey joked with Pam, “Hey, maybe we can get a souvenir. ...” Before he finished his sentence the wind died down and the flag flapped against Dukey and rested against his shoulder. R-r-i-i-p-p! Down it came in his hands. What an idiot! Dukey stuffed the flag inside his pants and since his jacket was extra large the bulge didn’t show. As they made their way down, they walked by two guys dressed in long leather jackets looking like KGB thugs. As they approached, Dukey thought they were doomed, but as they went by the guilty pair simply smiled and said, “Hi.” They didn’t tell anyone about their crime except Artur until they were in Finland. Dukey still has the flag [CLICK] along with a flag and cap Artur gave him from a nuclear submarine. When they got back to Leningrad Artur thought they were out of their minds for what they did. The American’s exodus from Georgia was something out of a movie. Before their performance, the nation’s government leader resigned and there were people running through the streets. The Americans now had another problem. There was no electricity! They literally had to count the floors of their hotel in the dark and make their way back to their rooms with matches. The Spam and tuna were awesome that night. First thing the next morning they dropped their plans for the scheduled flight and caught an escape flight. The wanted out of there as quickly as possible. Eventually Eduard Shevardnadze, who had been the Soviet minister for foreign affairs, took over. Back to Leningrad they went without doing one performance eventually slipping out into Finland and then home. One of the members of the American Acting Company left hope behind — 50 Bibles that he handed out personally but very secretly.