In the Locker Room

With the Lakers and the Sixers

It was a couple nights before game three of the NBA championship finals in 1983. Itwas a late night out with Bulb and Mark Landsberger, the Laker forward. Landsberger gave Bulb and Dukey two media passes, which including tickets — one seat a few rows back and one on the floor a few seats over from Dyan Cannon, the actress. [CLICK] Bulb and Dukey kept switching seats at the game to share the closer proximity to the players. That night the Sixers took a commanding three-game lead in a 111-94 demolition. After that third game and before the conclusion to the sweep, the two obnoxious “media reps” ended up in the locker rooms. First, they briefly viewed the Sixers room where it was way upbeat because they were one game away from the championship. Next, the pair visited the Laker locker room but didn’t stay long. Fun seekers don’t stick around in the midst of weeping, wailing and mourning. Trailing 3-0 in the series, it was as good as over and the Lakers demeanor showed it! But a quick dribble back to the Sixers joy-filled room brought them near to a big barrel full of beer in front of one of the benches that had an empty locker. So Dukey climbed over and stood on the bench and helped himself to a few. Moses Malone towered over him, but Dukey stood on the bench giving him a slight height advantage. “The Force is still green,” Dukey said to Malone referring to his beloved Celtics. A year earlier they had had a confrontation before on the floor of a game. Malone replied, “So is your Daddy!” Reporters were all over Malone but Dukey managed to exchange a few words. Maurice Cheeks and Mark Iavaroni were next to them, but straight across was another empty locker with someone else standing on the bench. Dukey couldn’t figure out who it was until it dawned on him that it could be David Keith, the guy who hung himself in the movie Officer and a Gentleman. It was loud in there and Dukey and Keith looked at each other. Dukey pointed at him and made the motions of putting a noose his neck and tipped his head to the side like he was hanging himself. “You?” Dukey asked loudly. “Yup!” They stood there a good forty-five minutes sipping suds then like an idiot Dukey prepared to take a shower. After all they were in a locker room. But Bulb thought it wouldn’t be cool because Mark was the one who got them in there and you don’t get your famous friends in troubles. Crazy media reps who sneak into locker rooms should know there are limits.

What’s Life All About?

How to Pay Your Way to Heaven

The inmates at California Correctional Institution in Tehachapi know Dukey. He’s done a lot of crazy things, but he enters the prison voluntarily. Every Wednesday he shows up to lead the prisoners in a Bible study. They’re all about MAPS, WALCH and CA$H! Dukey stole the MAPS from the Christian Research Institute’s Hank Hanegraaff. MAPS! M stands for Manuscripts. The Bible is the Number One Manuscript of all time. Some claim it has more than twenty-four-thousand pages of dialogue. Homers The Odyssey is number two with only six-hundred-and-forty-three and it gets much weaker from there. When people try to argue with Dukey against Evidential Manuscripts, he tells them that Abe Lincoln was run over by a Chevy Vega. (That was Dukey’s first car.) Printed historical records could easily convince anyone that is not true. [CLICK] [CLICK = new Dukey video saying everything in green] “So, if I believe that statement and you showed me a newspaper from April 16, 1865, the day after Lincoln’s death that reported he was shot and I said I still believe my theory, it obviously would be absurd. Also if you showed me that the date for the first production of the Chevy Vega was 1970 and still insisted I believe my theory, I think I should be hit on the head. I probably should be anyway, but the bottom line is that man has always been writing things down and I and many others believe Manuscripts is a solid form of Evidential Apologetics. (WOW! Did he just say that?) “There is also Presuppositional Apologetics which goes way deeper. Too much for my head but I kind of understand it.” If you want to explore the topic further, you can do so do so easily. [CLICK TO SPECIFIC SITES or Google Apologetics and Presuppositional Apologetics] A in MAPS stands for Archaeology. People have been digging up the planet with increasingly greater diligence looking and putting together evidence of how and what people did before us. [CLICK? To prof’s pottery etc. site] It’s hard to believe but some know more about archaeology than Dukey. P is for Prophecy! The way Dukey explains it: “If I tell you that you are going to sneeze four times in ninety seconds from now and when you wake up tomorrow you will break your toe walking to the bathroom and in two weeks you will lose a son to a strange disease and it all happened exactly the way I said it would, you might start thinking I’m a little whacked. Well, that’s how Biblical Prophecy is.” [CLICK? Put the next part in video?] There is plenty of evidence that Scripture is written outside our time domain. Example: Micah 5:2 How did Micah know That Jesus would be born in Bethlehem 600 years before he was born? Did he just take a shot with a dart on the map? How about the Crucifixion in in 53? That was written around 700 BC. Crucifixion was invented by the Persians a few centuries later. There are over 300 of these which are 100 percent accurate. Not only these about Christ but how about passages like Daniel 2, which details coming world events? The evidence of it being written outside our time domain is staggering. That brings Dukey to the S in MAPS. S equals Statistical Probability. Dukey asks, “What are the odds of all this being true and 100 percent accurate?

If a prophet in those days was not 100 percent accurate he was a false prophet and promptly killed — probably facing a stoning squad or other humane execution. It reminds me of the movie The Late Great Planet Earth with Orson Wells. [CLICK] The bottom line is I believe that The Bible is the inerrant word of God and Jesus Christ was and is who he said he was (which is God) and that’s why they killed him. Of course Romans 3:23 says we are all jerks (a Dukeyism), and He had one mission and He fulfilled it by granting us a pardon by His death so we could have a relationship with Him.” The next word Dukey gives the inmates is WALCH (Walk). He asks, “Once you realize Jesus is God what are you going to do with it?” W equals The Word. “You have to be in The Word daily,” Dukey insists. “Do your homework. Let the Spirit fill you and teach you. It’s sharper than any two-edged sword.” A equals Accountability. “Be accountable with other Godly Men. Proverbs 27:17 ‘Iron sharpens Iron. Share and admonish one another!’ It doesn’t mean you have to blow off every other friend. It means get closer to those you will know eternally. I always believed God makes friends so allow him to do so.” L is for LISTEN! “Romans 10:17 says faith comes by hearing. Listen to Christian music. Listen to solid teaching. Most importantly listen to The Word! I have FCBH online. ‘Faith Comes By Hearing’ is a huge ministry with translations and languages you can listen to through your phone or computer. [CLICK] I work out with it every day.” CH means Church. “Get to Church!! You are called to admonish, teach, help, and comfort members of the body of Christ. Do it! MAPS then WALCH!” Dukey laid in bed before his third week of teaching inmates. “I believe The Lord gave me the last word for the boys. CA$H! If you want to go to Heaven or how do you know you are going to heaven you must buy your way there with CA$H!” C equals Change! “After a few weeks of this one I would say, ‘If you ain’t changing. ...’ They yell out in response, ‘WE AIN”T GOIN’! 2 Cor 5:17 and many other Bible verses state this pretty clearly. You will notice a change in yourself, which brings us to the next letter.” A is Appetite! “You should have a growing appetite for The Word, and an appetite to hang around with solid spheres of influence. You should catch yourself cleaning up your language. You should develop a desire to wholeheartedly, unquestioningly obey God as He has told You in His Word. There are many Spirit-filled appetites you will acquire if you are on your way to Heaven, which brings us to the next letter.” S means Suffer. “This one is easy for the prisoners. They pretty much suffer the consequences of their poor decisions they have made daily. Jesus, in His first time on earth, was a man of sorrows. People tend to forget this. We are all in enemy territory in this short stint we call life. The Gospel has been enhanced through The Blood of it’s Martyrs. One of my favorite versus is 2 Corinthians 4:18: ‘While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.’ Love that!” It’s one of Dukey’s Top Ten. The last letter is H which suggests Heaven or Home! “After all the MAPS and WALCH you should have CA$H!! You are there now, get to work and allow The Lord to move you. Jeremiah 10:23 says, ‘I know O Lord, that man’s life is not his own, it is not for man to direct his steps.’ 1 Corinthians 6:19 declares, ‘You are not your own!’ Another good snappy Appy (Appetizer)! I always use George Washington’s Prayer: ‘Direct my

thoughts words and work, wash away my sins in the immaculate Blood of the Lamb, purge my heart by your Holy Spirit. ... Daily frame me more and more into the likeness of Thy Son Jesus Christ.’” WHEW! Don’t tell Dukey that Washington didn’t have it going on! “Can’t wait to meet him,” says Dukey. “Also can’t wait to meet Daniel and Paul and say, ‘Hey, I read your books!’”

Dukey hides his hand

And surprises the Maggot

Dukey doesn’t remember the Las Vegas casino he entered, but he does remember his chance meeting with a star. As a matter fact, one of Duke’s top ten movies of all time is Kelly’s Hero’s. Dukey was wandering around the gambling tables looking for a poker game, and there he was — Telly Savalas, Maggot in the movie with an open chair to his left. Dukey, of course, recognized the opportunity to chat with another actor, so he sat down and slyly started playing without any introductions and without giving any indication he recognized Telly. “I’ll see your twenty and bump you fifty.” “I’ll hold.” “I’ll raise you thirty.” The typical verbiage of poker droned on. When it came to Maggot’s turn to bet and he lingered too long, Dukey threw in the wild card, “Thirty to you, Maggot.” Telly looked at Dukey like he had just sprouted horns. Then he burst into laughter. Dukey and Telly hit it off just fine. So what’s Telly like? Dukey will tell you, “He’s just another wise guy New Yorker!”

The Long and the Shorter

Wilt the Stilt meets Dukey

Manhattan Beach circa 1982.

Dukey and some friends were biking, cruising the Strand along the beach. They saw a strange tower next to a pro beach volleyball tournament. Yet not so strange. Anyone could tell it had to be Wilt Chamberlain.

He was standing in the sand with his back to the ocean by the pier. Dukey left his bike in a rack and snuck up behind him and stands there with his head reaching to the his lower back and shouts, “Down in front!” Wilt turns around, laughs and starts a small half minute conversation. “Just kidding Wilt!”

Less than a week later Dukey, his squeeze Robin, and his brother Roddy, head to Laird Studios to meet Dukey’s buddy Lenny B for a tour of the studio. They were eating in the cafeteria when Wilt walked in. Dukey yells, “The force is GREEN! (making reference to his Larry Bird T-shirt and Roddy’s Celtic jersey) meaning, of course, the Boston Celtics rule. Wilt joined the group outside after they had eaten, and they sat around Dukey’s 1971 Ford Torino convertible. They talked about the beach scene, the Celtics, Sixers and Lakers and other things for about a half hour.

Steve Martin walks by and Dukey calls, “Hey Martin, can I have a vial of your sweat.” Steve replies sarcastically, “Funny.”

“What makes you so funny?” Dukey retorts.

He answers, “The same thing that makes you so stupid.” Dukey should have known better than to mess with a comic. After another ten minutes of banter with Wilt Dukey invited him to his house for some lasagna that Mom was cooking in Redondo Beach that evening. Later, when Dukey was home showering, his mother knocked on the door and said, “Tommy, some Wilt guy is on the phone.” He hurriedly dried off and talked to The