Off to the Races

Circa 1989 About 10 various dopes got on their motorcycles.

At the time they called themselves the S.H.I.T. bike gang. Myths say that stands for the Stack High In Transit bike gang abbreviating to fertilizer that needs to be shipped on higher decks or it would explode.) Ned and Dukey left early so they could drive the Big Sur along the coast before they got to the Laguna Seca racing track. Bo, Loni and Motlet left with Hubbard’s Motorhome (Big Mistake!!) and towed their bikes up. Other jerks met us there, too. Wheel, Hubbard, Dr. Mengele and maybe one or two others also made their way north. Ned and Dukey had a very enjoyable Scot-free-of-problem ride. Loni, Bo and Motlet were cruising along fine when Bo asks Johnny to fix up an adult beverage. KABLAM!!! Looks like the right rear inside tire decided to blow up leaving rubber and crap exploding all over the inside of the motorhome including hitting Bo and Loni up front. The drinks never made it to the front. The idiots had to pull over and limp to the nearest gas station. Wait! It gets way worse. While pulling in for gas, Motlet while directing Loni to back up ... KABLAM!!! This eruption hits the fluorescent bulbs overhanging under the roof of the station sending glass everywhere. What a stankin’ mess! A while later while a service station mechanic was tending to the tire problem, the carefree trio started throwing the football around. Bo launched one of his moron punts high in the air almost knocking the mechanic over who was fixing the tire. He probably was not happy and had enough of the threesome. After that all was good until the stooges left the parking lot. The glass was cleaned up but they forgot all the glass that was on top of the motorhome. As they moved out glass was flying all over the place for the next couple miles. Upon arriving at the Laguna Seca track everyone took their various positions. Some were in the motorhome. Some were in tents along the track and some, like the their Pigpen buddy Wheel, slept in the back of the bike trailer on the cold hard surface. The next day they could not find him until about mid-morning when he raised his head up and said, “Good morning.” The races went off as planned. Good stuff as professionals battled it out at God knows what speed. After the races the nighttime festivities included going to downtown Monterey and joining the other twenty million motorcycles lined up along the street. They ate dinner and proceeded with some adult beverages trying to stay somewhat sober for the 25-minute ride home on two wheels. Back at the campground it got loud and stupid. We watched Brian do his do-bugs-feel-pain routine around the fire skit [CLICK] as Dr. Mengele fetched him more large bugs to torture. They eventually made another large fire down below when Dukey came up with an idea for the video that everybody must individually make fun and torture oneself. [CLICK] What a stankin’ riot as they went around the fire interviewing each guy as they made fun of themselves. If they could not come up with enough ammo, they would, of

course, help out. [CLICK] After a late night of stupid they got a nice ten-minute nap and did it all over again. Long ride home indeed the next day. [CLICK]

Hanging Out with the Celts A month of partying in one night It was February 16, 1986, at the Marriott Hotel. It wasn’t the first time they hung out with Larry and the Celts but this one was a little different. They had about ten tickets and even Dukey’s mother (who had sang the national anthem for the Celts in Boston), sister and the usual suspects ended up at the Marriott on Century for the umpteenth time. Celts won 105-99. The C’s were arguably one of the best teams ever assembled. As Larry and his gang green troops got off the bus they recognized us and it was game on. Lots of stupid and lots of pics. Some highlights: Went to the bar and sat with McHale for a couple. Hung out with DJ for a while (him and Dukey were pretty tight). Went up the elevator with Larry. Went to the men’s room with Chief and said, “Hmmmm, Juicy Fruit,” while we were using the urinal. (A take from The Cuckoo’s Nest.) Walton was a riot. Danny [CLICK] was quiet but had a good time watching the show. Mom, Kelly, Dukey and Chick Hearn, the Lakers announcer, hung out in the bar with Johnny Most, the C’s announcer, KC, the C’s coach, and his wife as Dukey and Company bought them a round or two. It just didn’t stop!! There were a few rented green rooms upstairs (Green Heineken’s included in the bath tubs) with C fans running all over the hotel and after about a month of partying that night. Dukey finally made his way back to Redondo just before sunrise. [CLICK. CLICK. AND MORE CLICKS]

Celebrating with Di Di As a Wanna-Be Male Stripper November 1982 — Texas Instruments, Austin, Texas It was Di Di’s (Diane’s) birthday. Dukey talked with her many times a day and did a lot of business with her. David Clark, her workmate, set it up. Nobody else would know. Dukey flew in for the surprise. About fifteen to twenty people had gathered in a private room of a restaurant when the male stripper came in and put the music on. It was Dukey! He danced around Di Di and removed his jacket ... his tie ... his shirt. Shoes and socks followed. Dukey sat on her lap and said, “Hi, Di Di!” She had never met Dukey although they had talked every day and she recognized the voice. She freaked out, “O my God, it’s you!” [CLICK] Then the rest of the gang began to understand that it’s Dukey from SAI, the electronics firm the dope worked for. The tease was over and Dukey spent a month there that weekend. [CLICK!]

He Was Tough For about Six Months Dukey knew a guy from church who had some 79th or so degree belt in Taijitsu, which seemed to be a combination between jujutsu, judo and karate. [CLICK] The dope joined training sessions two or three times a week for a few months and was picking it up pretty quick. Dukey made it to about the third or fourth belt and was gaining confidence, a bit too much confidence. He was thrown for a loop on his back and forgot to tuck his neck. That memory slip paved a path right to a chiropractor at almost 50 years old. Dukey’s career in martial arts was over. He still likes practicing some of that stuff, but would hate to ever have to use any of it. Better with gun powder anyway at his age.